GeekLikeMe

As you might have guessed, I am a geek. As a geek, I enjoy playing with gadgets. For those in the know (or who read my site regularly - all 5 of you), I am also a newly proud parent. As such, I have decided to take a stroll around the Internet looking for what kind of baby gadgets a geeky parent may be inclined to find. In doing so, I have found several items that I would like to share with you. Some are interesting, some are kind of scary, and others are just plain strange.

1. DNA Portraits

   Nothing is more comforting than sprucing up your child's room by converting it into a scene from CSI. However if you happen to be a true fan, this site will allow you to make portraits from either your DNA or your fingerprints. To receive the DNA print you will need to send the company a sample using their handy extraction kit (swab your cheek with a special Q-tip). Your DNA apparently can make some interesting art - or it could potentially incriminate you. That being said, now I'm not so sure that I am quite comfortable sending my DNA through the mail, willingly.

   Website: http://www.dna11.com

2. The Intellicot

   Something about this product vaguely reminds me of Michael Jackson's hyperbaric chamber. Basically, this is a crib that can rock your kid to sleep and help him/her develop sleeping patterns, all without the need of a parent. In other words, this is another reason to have kids without actually caring for them - you know, like television. As an added bonus it reduces back strain due to child neglect! Brilliant!

   Website: http://www.intellicot.com

3. The Daddle

   Growing up I remember playing 'horsy' with my pop as well. However, it never occurred to me adding an actual saddle to the mix would make the experience all that more real. It is impressive to ponder the fact that someone took this act of pretend-time and marketed a product out of it. Nothing screams dignity (or make your little one feel more like a cowboy/cowgirl) like strapping a fake saddle on your back. Giddyup. Who am I kidding, I'd probably buy one.

   Website: http://www.cashelcompany.com/dad.php

4. Magnetic Paint

   I have to admit that this is one cool product. The ability to turn any wall into a magnetized space sends chills down my geeky spine. Even more so, the thought of being able to bestow this gift upon my offspring at some point. And for extra credit, the ability to say 'you mean, your room didn't have magnetic paint?'. Apparently, this is a hot product because according to the site below the paint is out of stock - must be the attractive appeal.

   Website: http://www.yoyashop.com/ys_product.asp?cat_id=85&prd_id=97

5. The Rock Star Baby Stroller

   Let's face it, everybody (geek or non-geek) wants to be a rock star. Now you too can live that dream through your child with your very own 'Rock Star' stroller. And this ain't just any old stroller either. This one is personally endorsed by actual rock stars (say it ain't so Tico!). The stroller has such compelling features such as lightweight aluminum frame, lockable swivel wheels, and pneumatic rear tires - but who cares. Bon Jovi says I should buy this. Also comes with a free copy of 'Slippery When Wet'.

   Website: http://www.strollermama.com/rockstar-baby-stroller.htm

6. The Empathy Belly

   Now you too can simulate a pregnancy even if you are not equipped with the proper genetics to birth a child. Features include: simulated fetal kicking, thirty pound weight, backaches, frequent urination, and people laughing at you if you happen to be wearing this in public. Added bonus: You no longer have to deal with your wife's 'you try being pregnant for a change' nagging.

   Note: this item also made a cameo in the movie 'Ten Things I Hate About You'. Shut up, you know you saw that movie too.

   Website: http://www.empathybelly.org

7. The Zaky Infant Pillow

   Teach your child the art of fake affection with these pillow shaped hands. They simulate the warmth and loving care that you could never provide. After all, why hold and cuddle your little one when these hands apparently do a better job than you. Notice how the hands come bundled in pairs of two, just like in real life. Why Mommy, what terribly large hands you have!

   Website: http://www.pregnancystore.com/zaky.htm

8. iCrib Sound System

   Yes folks, your iPod can truly go anywhere - even to the crib. Perhaps you want to bring the soothing sounds of Jethro Tull's Crest of a Knave or maybe the yodeling stylings of Shakira's Whenever Whatever to your baby's personal domain. I'm sure the melodic verses of 'le ro lo le lo le' (that's an actual lyric - she wrote that) will send your little one to dreamland. Alternatively, this humble iPod accessory could potentially be useful if you happen to load your device with nothing but Baby Mozart CDs - but who in their right mind does that? In any event, your kid will either grow to love your musical tastes (whether they like it or not) or you are branding them an Apple customer for life. It's a win-win for all.

   Website: http://www.munchkin.com/products/detail.html?pID=878

9. The Baby Keeper

   Did you know that your baby can make a handy toilet paper dispenser in a pinch? This product essentially straps a child to any lavatory door, dangling - more appropriately, so you can urinate in peace. Now I'm sure this product can have its obvious benefits at times when you need a free hand to use the bathroom, but something just seems odd and out of place about hanging a child on a door like this. However, nothing says 'here Mommy, wipe your ass' better than your child holding the toilet paper for you. I bet that if you make your kid hold the newspaper for you as well will make this deal even sweeter. Ok, that may be going too far - or is it?

   Website: http://www.mommysentials.com/babykeeper.htm

10. Toaster Art

    Back on track to an item that I am actually excited about discussing - toaster art. Essentially, this will make fun shapes and designs on your morning buttered treat. The designs in question get toasted just a little bit more than the rest of the slice, thus giving a charcoaled etched look to said slice of bread. I don't know about you, but this gives my world new meaning. I can now send hidden messages to other people (mainly over breakfast) in toast form. IN TOAST FORM! My next communique will be on toast - given that the jelly doesn't hide the message.

    Website: http://www.poparttoaster.com/

11. Playdoh Fragrance

    As a kid, I fondly remember playing with Playdoh. In fact, I even recall having that little factory edition that could spit out neat little shapes. But you know what I remember most of all about Playdoh? That smell of doom. The memory of recoiling in horror at the scent of my post-fingered Playdoh. Something about the chemical aroma - well - makes you want to yack up a rubber tire. And for some reason that odor would not go away with a simple washing of the hands, no - it had to linger for a good 2-3 additional soaks. Lucky for all of us, someone decided that this lovely bouquet (the essence, if you will) was something that had to be bottled. Put away your Calvin Klein, girl. Just put it away.

    Website: http://www.demeterfragrance.com/product.aspx?id=1025

Any other geeky baby products you feel should have been on this list? Drop us a line or feel free to post a comment.

Posted to Verbose filed in Strange @ 1:02 AM | Tags (4) | parenting | baby | products | kids |  | Discuss (0) | Share | facebook | twitter | 0 Clicks | Posted by Vin