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Wednesday: September 6, 2006

The seven deadly sins of corporate email.

Many of us work in a corporate environment. My job falters between information technology and marketing (such is the fate of the web developer these days). As such, I am often bombarded with the annoying email habits of people who lack the basic understanding of...well, email.

  1. People who set an away email message for every single meaningless event.

    I do not need to know that you are out to lunch at from 12:15 to 1:15. Most people know that it is lunch time and chances are you're not around. Do not bother me with your personal digital answering machine. Really, it's not necessary. I also don't need to know that from 3:30 - 4:00 pm you will be getting your teeth cleaned. This does not influence my day to day operations one bit. Stop it; you're making Outlook cry.

  2. People who can't remember to turn their away message off when they are, in fact, no longer away.

    So you're back from vacation, yay. I'm quite happy for you. Now turn off your away message that keeps responding to me in stereo with your normal emails. I don't need dual responses every time I reply to one of your emails reminding me that you were gone fishing last week. How was the dentist by the way?

  3. People who write the entire message of an email in the subject line.

    You'd think telling the difference between two distinct areas when composing an email would be an easy thing. I can't tell you how much fun it is deciphering an email when it is sprawled across the subject line (see 'before and after' below).

  4. Read receipts.

    This habit makes me want to throw a chair out of a window. It is the act of people who feel they have to attach a read receipt to EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF EMAIL they send out - no matter how trivial the subject matter. I guess it makes people feel important. Therefore, I take great pleasure in hitting the cancel button to your paranoid sense of self confirmation. Even more annoying: people who send read receipts on emails regarding whether or not the last email they sent (which had a read receipt too) was actually read. Pure genius!

  5. People who love to respond to emails marked distinctly as DO NOT REPLY.

    When the subject line AND the first line of the body of the email read in big, bold letters DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL why do you still hit Reply? Let's try this together: D-O N-O-T R-E-P-L-Y.

  6. Incredibly overloaded signatures.

    It's not enough that I have to see the scribbled signature of the person who sent me the email, but they also insist on changing the entire style of the email. So when I reply to you, I am stuck with your ugly, yet 'calming' wallpaper. Please fire yourself out of a cannon.

  7. Pasting entire web pages into the body of an email.

    Another act that greatly affects my day to day mood: receiving an email that has an entire (or partial) web page pasted into the body of the message. Outlook is not meant to show web pages (this is why we have web browsers), and by doing so, you are now disrupting the natural order of the Universe. By replying to you (and if I'm too lazy to clean out said pasted web page), we start tracking in piles of HTML code throughout our conversation like mud. Clean your feet and just email me the link to the article, dummy.

And there you have it. Now print this list out and pin it up by the company water cooler. The email-challenged will thank you... hopefully.

Posted to Verbose filed in Life @ 0:51 AM | Tags (3) | corporate | work | email |  | Discuss (0) |  | facebook | twitter | 0 Clicks | Posted by Vin


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